The Complete Maternity and Nursing Wardrobe

This post is for ladies only! It's time to get down to the details of how to dress during the baby-making stage of life.

So, let's face it- with the vast variety of sweet, tiny, soft things out there on the baby market, the last thing we pregnant women want is to spend money on ourselves. Getting ready for a baby is lots of fun, and I know because I've been in the thick of it for the last several weeks! But it's important to set aside some of that pre-baby money to keep ourselves clothed, too. Our bodies go through a LOT of change in the nine months leading up to a baby and again in the nine-to-twelve months following.

Here's my list of must-haves. The pictures are links to websites selling these or similar items.

NOTE: All of these items together add up to about $500 at retail value. Of course, very few of us have the money to go out and buy all of it at once! I recommend putting aside a certain amount a month for the first six months or so- you won't need some of these items until the end anyway. And of course, be a diligent shopper and watch those sales and coupons!

1. Two great pairs of jeans - Old Navy - $60

Jeans are so tricky! Everyone has a different opinion about what works for them. Just keep in mind that what might feel right in the first trimester will likely be too tight in the third. In my experience, a loose elastic waist band (not over-the-belly) stays on fine for the first trimester and grows to accommodate the third trimester as well. Old Navy is the place to go as they have a huge selection and are very affordable! I like to have one straight-legged, darker pair for dress-up days and one pair of faded skinny jeans for more casual occasions.

2. Heavy Duty Bra - Target - $20

 Make sure to get something that leaves a little room for growth, but nothing too loose- as I said, support is essential. I even recommend a sports bra for most of the pregnancy. 

3. Belly Band - Target - $17

Some people absolutely swear by these things because of the extra belly support. For me, it was just an awesome replacement to the cami! Wearing camisoles during pregnancy doesn't always work, but these fit awesome around the waist (to cover the shirt/jean gap) or around the bust (for modesty under low-cut shirts and dresses).

4. At least 2 casual skirts - Amazon - $40

Skirts are awesome for pregnancy, if they are long enough to go without leggings and thick enough to go without a slip. They are more comfortable than shorts for the summer, and very forgiving of ever-changing bodies.

I couldn't find a good web link for it, but I prefer to buy my skirts at Fred Meyer where there is always a huge variety and often good sales and coupons. You don't need maternity skirts, just regular ones with elastic waists. You may already have some in your closet! Solid colors are good for versatility and matching potential.

5. A comfy pair of cropped pants or dress pants - Motherhood Maternity - $35

These can be dressed up or down, and are often a lot more comfortable than jeans. Pick something season-appropriate and be prepared to wear them a LOT!

6. Supportive Shoes, a size too big - Costco - $15

You will want something versatile that will be both comfortable and forgiving on swelling feet. You may even want a second pair or a pair of slippers for around the house, if you're on your feet a lot.

7. At least 3 ruched, casual t-shirts - Liz Lange (Target) - $60

These will go with shorts, capris, and skirts, and work awesome for all stages of pregnancy and post-pregnancy too!

8. At least 2 flowy, stylish shirts - Liz Lange (Target) - $50

 

Empire waists are the best for these! They will go with jeans and maybe capris. Good for showing off baby bump without emphasizing the less-exciting new curves that may be appearing!

9. At least one cute maternity dress - Motherhood Maternity - $20

There are a zillion possibilities here, and really a lot of non-maternity dresses work for pregnancy too. But it never hurts to have a go-to outfit for those days when you want to look just right and show off that belly at the same time. :-)

10. Cute and Comfy PJ's - Motherhood Maternity - $24

This may seem SO unnecessary, but as that bump gets bigger it can be REALLY annoying to have your belly sticking out of your pj's all the time. Also, the tendency is to resort to ugly, oversized t-shirts, which doesn't help you feel beautiful as your waist size expands. Also, these PJ's are called "A Bump In The Night" which I find hilarious!

11. Maternity swim suit top - Liz Lange (Target) - $25

Again, this is for those of you with summer due dates... I wear mine with a sports bra for modesty and gym shorts. Otherwise it's pretty much impossible to find something to wear to the pool, and that can be ultra-depressing when you're dying to escape the heat!

12. Fake Wedding Ring - Claire's - $10

 

If you're like me and hate walking around pregnant without a wedding ring, you might want to buy a cheap plastic ring in a size or two bigger than your actual ring. That way, when your fingers swell up and you have to say goodbye to your real ring for a while, you can still let people know that you're taken.

13. Super comfy lounge-around-the-house pants - Target - $15

Any yoga/sports/beach pants will do. Having clothes that are comfy and yet not all-out pj's are essential for those days when you feel like crap but don't want to look it.

14. Nursing Bras - Target, Walmart, and Amazon - $60

Get a couple for sleeping, a couple for casual wear, and at least one sturdy under-wire one for going out. The picture links to a great article about finding the best nursing bras for you. I have found that Target and Walmart are great resources for the basic sleeping and t-shirt bras, and of course Amazon has the rest.

15. At least two Nursing Camis - Undercover Mama (Amazon) - $40

These are the leading brand in nursing camisoles, and boy are they a fabulous idea! They clip onto your nursing bra, so you don't have to wrangle with multiple layers of clothes to nurse. This also makes it possible to nurse in just about any top, as long as it can be pulled up.

So there you have it- 15 items you can't live without. There are obviously a ton of other things you could buy, but if you start with these you won't find yourself wishing you'd saved your money for something more important!

Of Mrs. Proverbs 31 and Jonah

This has been one of those days.

I mean the kind where a week of visiting with out of town guests comes to an abrupt end, leaving you with nothing else to do but acknowledging that your drawers and closets are empty and all your clothes are in the laundry pile. Meanwhile the house hasn't really been thoroughly cleaned in three weeks, and the dog is blowing his coat so it seems like for every hair you sweep up three more fall in it's place. And you have two doctor's appointments this week, plus a weekend getaway for your husband's work, so there is packing to be done and all of last week's shopping and bills to catch up on, and not much time at all to do it. So the pressure is high and you feel like you're going to scream if you can't get a decent amount of things knocked off the to do list.

Meanwhile you're REALLY feeling pregnant lately and not sleeping too well at night so you're irritable and exhausted before you even start. And your baby has chicken pox, so she is grumpy and clingy and demands to be fed on an hourly basis.

What? You've never had this day? I thought I was speaking in totally generic realities.

But you know what I mean! Sometimes it seems that everything is colliding all at once, and it's like there's this giant swirling force field encompassing the survival of all humanity pointed right at you, and if you can't absorb it all in your person everyone will DIE. I'm being dramatic- but it almost feels this way sometimes.

It is in these times when I start to panic about the big picture. Thoughts like these start to swim through my head:

• "If this is how bad it is with ONE baby, how am I going to manage two... or more??"
• "Being a mother really is the most demeaning, unfufilling job in the world! What have I gotten myself into?"
• "I'm never going to have time to write again."
• "I'm becoming a cranky witch. See, I smell like bleach and can't even muster up a smile for my husband."
• "None of this even MEANS anything. Life is empty and forlorn."
• "I'm such a bad mom- my heart sinks when I hear my baby waking up from a nap! I used to love getting her up."

And on it goes.
This made me think of the Proverbs 31 woman. She always seems like such an inspiring character- so noble and productive and cheerful at all times. It's hard to imagine her having a day like this or loosing sight of the larger vision of her calling. In fact I find myself believing that if she ever made a to-do list, she would get it done no matter how many of her kids had the chicken pox. She would make a game out of it and nurse them all back to health with perfect loving-kindness and spin around the house cleaning with a song on her lips.
Then I realized I was thinking of Marry Poppins, not anyone in the Bible. I decided to read the passage and noticed something rather comforting: very little is said about what the Proverbs 31 woman actually accomplishes. The emphasis is far more on the WAY in which she works. The text says she...

• does her husband good and not evil
• works with eager hands
• gets up while it is still night
• sets about her work vigorously
• is clothed with strength and dignity
• speaks with wisdom
• does not eat the bread of idleness

Much of this has to do with the concept of diligence, but the reality of motherhood is that diligence and productivity do not always go hand in hand. Sometimes we may toil from dawn until dusk and all we will have to show for it is a messy house and unbathed children. But God will know that we spent our hours productively, in the care and nurturing of eternal souls- and I'm sure He doesn't judge us based on our to-do lists. What a wonderful encouragement this is!
So I hope that in future days I will do a better job remembering to ask myself what God would have me to be doing at each moment. Sometimes it is SO frustrating not being able to get things done, and perhaps this in and of it's self is a way that God stretches and grows us. Learning to trust Him with the use of my time is something that will not come easily, but I know it has rich rewards. Why? See the ending of Proverbs 31:

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

And though I thought all those silly, fatalistic things earlier in the day, look where I am now- sitting in a tranquil, (mostly) clean house while the sun is setting and Katara is finally sleeping peacefully. And I know tomorrow I will be happy to get her up again, and feel a huge sense of relief knowing that I made it through the worst part of the week- even if I didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I just wish I could have realized this at the beginning and cut myself more slack. Today was doomed to be difficult for so many reasons. We all have our Jonah days. We can't always be saving cities, sometimes we have to sit in the belly of the whale. If that's where God wants me to be, it is best that I learn to spend the hours praying, and His lessons for me will eventually become clear.

How much do babies cost during the 1st year?

I've heard people say that they don't want to have kids because it costs too much, and at first I kind of laughed at that. We had a GIGANTIC baby shower for Katara and only had to spend a few hundred on supplies, most of which went to unneeded things like paint and decorations. And then for the first few months she didn't need anything except diapers... she wore hand-me-downs and nursed exclusively, and it was really nice.

Now it's a different story, since she's started on formula and baby food. I thought it might be helpful for some expecting parents to know how much an average couple spends on a baby for the first year.

To get set up with everything you need for the first year, assuming you pay for everything at low-end retail value and don't have a shower, would be about $2,000 dollars. This could be cut down by shopping at thrift stores or going without some things on this list:

Travel:

• Baby carrier and/or sling $30


• Diaper bag $50


• Pack 'n Play $70


• A rear-facing infant car seat with base. $80


• Stroller $120

Changing:

• Diaper pail $20


• Plastic Bags $20


• Diapers $30


• Disposable wipes. $20


• Diaper rash cream $10


• Changing pad $20

Sleeping:

• Baby monitor $40


• Crib mattress $50


• waterproof mattress pad $30


• 2-3 fitted crib sheets $30

Feeding:

• 6 bottles $20


• High chair $50


• Bowls $20


• Spoons $10


• Sippy cups $20

First Aid/Grooming:

• Thermometer $40


• First Aid kit $30


• Sunscreen $10


• Infant medications, like infant Tylenol or ear drops $50

Bathing

• Baby bath set (shampoo, lotion, oil, ect) $20


• Hooded towel $25


• Washcloths $10


• Baby Bather $30

Clothes

• Everything - $100 (at the most... babies get lots of clothes as gifts!)

Other

• Burp cloths $20


• 1 or 2 pacifiers $15


• 4 to 6 receiving blankets $50


• Teething rings  $10


• Dye and fragrance free laundry detergent $35


• Books, toys and rattles $50

Nursery

• Vibrating bouncy chair $50


• Crib $200


• Changing table/Dresser $80


• Swing $60

Nursing

• Breast pump $300


• Nursing pads $30


• Nipple cream ointment $10


• Nursing bras $45


• Nursing cover $20

After the initial set-up, babies need these things every month:

• Clothes - $40


• Diapers - $50


• Wipes - $5


• Incidentals - $30


• Food - $250 (only for the last 6 months)

Here's a breakdown of how I reached those numbers:

Clothes - Assuming you buy at thrift stores or use hand-me-downs for the most part, this cost should be fairly low. For me, it has been virtually non-existent until now. We are starting to buy her some things, but we still try to keep it to about $100 for each stage. That's about $40 per month.

Diapers - My baby has always used about 7 diapers a day. You can find diapers for about $0.22 each, 7 diapers a day X 31 days in a month = 217 diapers per month. Add in the occasional unexpected blow out and you'll need about 230 diapers a month. That comes out to almost exactly $50 a month.

Wipes - A Costco box of wipes costs $20 and lasts me 4 months. So that's $5 a month.

Incidentals - This covers everything from the emergency pacifier purchase to new toys. We try to keep this to a minimum, around $30 a month if possible.

Food - This one varies the most. If you're nursing, you will save a LOT on formula. If you make your own baby food, you'd probably save a lot on that too. So I'll take a middle-of-the-road approach and let's say you switch to formula at 6 months of age, at which time you also start baby food three times a day. Formula costs about $1.25 per 6-ounce bottle, which your child will probably be drinking 4-5 times a day. That equals just under $200 a month. Baby food is $0.50 a jar (if I'm remembering right), so that adds up to just under $50 a month. Babies also eat rice cereal, crackers or cheerios, but those things are cheap and can be easily absorbed in the family budget.

So the average monthly cost of babies for the first year is $125 for the first six months, and $375 for the last six months. In total, that's exactly 6,000 dollars for the first year.

GRAND TOTAL (Set up + First year): $8,000

However, I feel that this is a very worst-case-scenario number. This doesn't factor in gifts, sales, coupons, or do-it-yourself projects. It also includes a lot of extemporaneous things you could do without - such as a breast pump and BOTH a swing and bouncy chair. I'm pretty sure the resourceful parent could do it all for $5,000 or even less.

EDIT: This also doesn't include prenatal care and hospital bills, which depends so much on your insurance it's almost impossible to make an estimate. If you have AWESOME top of the line insurance, you might not have to pay more than $400 for all of that... the next step down is estimated at $2,500 and if you have poor insurance or no insurance at all you could be looking at $10,000 or more, especially if you have a c-section or a premature baby. (Source: experience and some online reading.) We decided to budget for the middle ground number and if the worst case scenario happened, we would treat that as a family emergency rather than a baby expense budget-wise. For us, not being totally prepared for an emergency was not a good enough reason to not have a baby- we knew emergencies could happen at any time to any member of the family and God would provide as needed.

So if you were to budget $2,500 for the hospital bills and prenatal care, your total worst-case-scenario cost for the first year would be $10,500.

Time Management

This graphic from salary.com puts the life of a stay at home mom into perspective. I think our culture is beginning to value mothers more and more now that the peak of feminism is behind us, but it is still pretty affirming to see it spelled out like this.

Of course, it's nice to know how much we are worth, but the bigger question on my mind is, "How on earth am I going to accomplish all of this on a daily basis?" I only have one baby right now, and I still don't get everything done that I should. The idea that some mothers (like mine) manage to keep a tidy home while also homeschooling 4+ children and taking up personal projects on the side is mind boggling to me.

I have spent way too much time trying to manage my time on paper, only to fail over and over again at keeping to the schedules I've made. Recently a friend and I had the privilege of meeting with an experienced mother of six who gave us her wisdom on the subject of organization, and since then I have been trying to work out the best system of time management for me. Here is what I have learned so far...

1. Make daily, weekly, and monthly to-do lists.

At least, this is the system that works for me. Weekly lists won't change from week to week- this is your basic laundry, cooking, cleaning, and desk work routine. I have each of these chores assigned to a certain day, but if it doesn't happen on that day I don't stress about it. The monthly list will change based on the needs of that month, like taking the car into the shop or buying someone a birthday gift. Make your daily list off of the weekly and monthly lists, tacking on any little extra things that come up. Then when you're done with you're daily list you are DONE, and can put everything else out of your mind and do something you love!

2. Give every moment to God.

For me the most exciting part of time management is working out what I need to do and how fast I need to do it. Racing the clock is fun, and so is checking off neat little rows of boxes. But I have learned that I have to think of my to-dos as goals, not mandatory requirements. Otherwise when Katara wakes up early from her nap or the phone rings with a request from a friend in need, I find myself becoming grumpy and unkind. Instead, I try to think of every moment as God's, and keep my mind open to however He wants me to use it.

3. Spend half an hour cleaning every day.

I read this on another blog somewhere, and I have been doing it ever since. After breakfast, while Katara has playtime, I make sure the whole house is in a general state of order before moving on to my devotions and shower. This leaves me feeling in control and ready to tackle another day, even if all that day holds is a more in-depth kind of cleaning.

4. Prioritize

Start with the things that are going to drive you bonkers unless they get done. Maybe that means forsaking housekeeping to get caught up on scrapbooking... maybe that means taking a nap if you are totally sleep deprived. Whatever the case, try to actively decide what things are most important to you.

5. Save computer work for nap time.

The last thing I want is for my daughter to see me constantly glued to the screen when she's up. I also find computer projects more absorbing and therefore I'm much less attentive to what Katara is up to. (The other day she got into the dog food for this very reason. Haha!)

6. Find ways to make it fun.

I make myself fold laundry by watching a show while I do it, but I will often stand up the whole time so I don't get too distracted. I also like the idea of bribing myself with candy or ice cream after completing particularly ugly chores, like cleaning the bathroom. And I try to break up the unpleasant chores with fun ones, and space out errands throughout the week so we always get out of the house.

7. Check dinner off your list at breakfast.

This is something I learned from my mother-in-law. If I can throw something in the crock pot or pull something out of the freezer at breakfast so that dinner is taken care of, my whole day will feel a lot easier. Even if I am planning a stove-top meal, checking that we have all the right ingredients and pulling out the recipe early in the day will help to get me over the 4:00 hump.

8. Have designated days to stay home and get stuff done.

Rather than spacing out work equally throughout the week, I have hard days and easy days built into my schedule. This enables me to know better how to plan get-togethers with friends, doctors appointments, and other non-regular errands. It also gives me enough flexibility to move things around if I don't get everything done on it's designated day.

9. Learn when to say no.

This one I learned from my Aunt. It's important to value the work that you as a stay at home mom have to do. When someone calls and asks if I'm busy, and all I'm doing is housework, my temptation is to say no. But the truth is, if that work doesn't get done, I'm going to be stressed and frustrated by the end of the week. So within reason, I have to learn to say no sometimes when other non-essential demands on my time arise.

10. Keep it simple.

I'm constantly trying to make complicated schedules that nail down exactly what Katara and I should be doing at every moment. But this tends to create a knot of stress in my stomach that overrides all my ambition. My husband is constantly reminding me to make a list, and start working. Don't get lost in the whole, just focus on the task at hand- and as usual, he is right.

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Those of you who are mothers- you know how it is.

First you meet this wonderful boy who seems to be just everything you ever wanted, and after you have a ring on your forth finger the thought of children might cross your mind. But not as much as the excitements of planning a wedding and building a little homestead for yourself. And for a while after that big white day, your mind is swept away with the little joys and trials of learning how to pay bills on time, have dinner ready just as The Boy walks in the door, and keep that little homestead clean and cozy. Then before you know it there's a baby on the way, and at first this seems like just the next logical step in the life you share with The Boy you love so much.

You know your life is about to change a lot, and maybe you take steps to prepare. Not just in the sense of buying diapers and adorable little onesies, but reading parenting books and getting advise and trying to psyche yourself up for the next, lets say say, twenty years or so. You might also hear pieces of advise about not neglecting your husband after this little one arrives, and if you're like me you probably think- "Okay, got it. Keep on loving this man (because he's about to be a father, he's not just a boy anymore) who I already adore with every particle of my being. Easy!"

But really, you have no idea what is coming. Until you've been there, you cannot possibly anticipate the depths of delight, confusion, adoration, exhaustion, love, and struggle that come with the addition of a baby.

And then, it's time. Somewhere towards the end of the travail of labor it occurs to you that you are about to have a third person in your family... and then, there she is. Maybe you don't really get it right away, as they place a wriggling, screaming little thing in your arms for the first time. The miracle of life is overwhelming, but your heart might not go pouring out in love right away. After all, you just met this little one... but you don't really know anything about her. You might just be worried that you're going to break her.

But over the next couple of days, the love starts to come in. First in little splashes, then in giant waves. You don't know where it's all coming from, but there it is, filling up your heart more than anything ever has before. And with this new love comes a new commitment to higher ideals, and a new kind of fear like you've never known before. You know you will do anything- and I mean ANYTHING- for that baby who does nothing but cry and eat and poop. And that's good, because the next few months of your life are just about the hardest you have ever lived through. Even if they are also the best.

I know not all mothers have had this exact same experience, but I also know we all can relate to the love and the sacrifice involved in bringing up baby. I have a seven month old daughter and one on the way, and my do I love them both. I still love that boy- now a man- who goes out the door every morning to provide for me and these kiddos, but lo and behold that advise about not neglecting him is suddenly very relevant. Because no matter how much I love my little Katara, by the end of the day I am tired of being needed and touched and cried upon and all I want is to escape the house alone. But at the same time, the fanciful feelings that once carried our marriage along are now driven by something so much deeper- the mutual love and concern for the proper care and keeping of our child.

We are just at the beginning of this road, with many stages of parenting ahead. I know that the experience of having a child, soon two, will change our lives forever. We could have stayed young wild and free for a much longer time, and we could have gone to a few more concerts and traveled and bought a nice house and blah blah blah blah. Sometimes I long for these things, and sometimes I long for a career and my selfish ambitions start to creep up and choke out those higher ideals.

But here's the thing that I love about being a mom: life just isn't about me anymore. And believe it or not, I think that's actually made me a whole lot happier. Which makes sense when you think about Christ's words about loosing our lives in order to gain them.

So for those of you just starting out on this road, or as an encouragement to those who've been in it a lot longer than I have- yeah, things are never going to be the same again. The changes are real and huge and final. But try to embrace every one of them, the ugly and the beautiful, because they are all God's way of blessing you and making you into a better person then you were yesterday.  Because at the end of the day, when we near the dark river and home on the other side, we're not going to care about concerts or traveling or a big house on the hill.  Then we will treasure every memory of sweet, round cheeks, tiny hands and feet, and slobbery kisses.

As we've all heard a  million times, they grow up way too fast. So let's make every last moment last!