Those of you who are mothers- you know how it is.
First you meet this wonderful boy who seems to be just everything you ever wanted, and after you have a ring on your forth finger the thought of children might cross your mind. But not as much as the excitements of planning a wedding and building a little homestead for yourself. And for a while after that big white day, your mind is swept away with the little joys and trials of learning how to pay bills on time, have dinner ready just as The Boy walks in the door, and keep that little homestead clean and cozy. Then before you know it there's a baby on the way, and at first this seems like just the next logical step in the life you share with The Boy you love so much.
You know your life is about to change a lot, and maybe you take steps to prepare. Not just in the sense of buying diapers and adorable little onesies, but reading parenting books and getting advise and trying to psyche yourself up for the next, lets say say, twenty years or so. You might also hear pieces of advise about not neglecting your husband after this little one arrives, and if you're like me you probably think- "Okay, got it. Keep on loving this man (because he's about to be a father, he's not just a boy anymore) who I already adore with every particle of my being. Easy!"
But really, you have no idea what is coming. Until you've been there, you cannot possibly anticipate the depths of delight, confusion, adoration, exhaustion, love, and struggle that come with the addition of a baby.
And then, it's time. Somewhere towards the end of the travail of labor it occurs to you that you are about to have a third person in your family... and then, there she is. Maybe you don't really get it right away, as they place a wriggling, screaming little thing in your arms for the first time. The miracle of life is overwhelming, but your heart might not go pouring out in love right away. After all, you just met this little one... but you don't really know anything about her. You might just be worried that you're going to break her.
But over the next couple of days, the love starts to come in. First in little splashes, then in giant waves. You don't know where it's all coming from, but there it is, filling up your heart more than anything ever has before. And with this new love comes a new commitment to higher ideals, and a new kind of fear like you've never known before. You know you will do anything- and I mean ANYTHING- for that baby who does nothing but cry and eat and poop. And that's good, because the next few months of your life are just about the hardest you have ever lived through. Even if they are also the best.
I know not all mothers have had this exact same experience, but I also know we all can relate to the love and the sacrifice involved in bringing up baby. I have a seven month old daughter and one on the way, and my do I love them both. I still love that boy- now a man- who goes out the door every morning to provide for me and these kiddos, but lo and behold that advise about not neglecting him is suddenly very relevant. Because no matter how much I love my little Katara, by the end of the day I am tired of being needed and touched and cried upon and all I want is to escape the house alone. But at the same time, the fanciful feelings that once carried our marriage along are now driven by something so much deeper- the mutual love and concern for the proper care and keeping of our child.
We are just at the beginning of this road, with many stages of parenting ahead. I know that the experience of having a child, soon two, will change our lives forever. We could have stayed young wild and free for a much longer time, and we could have gone to a few more concerts and traveled and bought a nice house and blah blah blah blah. Sometimes I long for these things, and sometimes I long for a career and my selfish ambitions start to creep up and choke out those higher ideals.
But here's the thing that I love about being a mom: life just isn't about me anymore. And believe it or not, I think that's actually made me a whole lot happier. Which makes sense when you think about Christ's words about loosing our lives in order to gain them.
So for those of you just starting out on this road, or as an encouragement to those who've been in it a lot longer than I have- yeah, things are never going to be the same again. The changes are real and huge and final. But try to embrace every one of them, the ugly and the beautiful, because they are all God's way of blessing you and making you into a better person then you were yesterday. Because at the end of the day, when we near the dark river and home on the other side, we're not going to care about concerts or traveling or a big house on the hill. Then we will treasure every memory of sweet, round cheeks, tiny hands and feet, and slobbery kisses.
As we've all heard a million times, they grow up way too fast. So let's make every last moment last!
