Of Mrs. Proverbs 31 and Jonah

This has been one of those days.

I mean the kind where a week of visiting with out of town guests comes to an abrupt end, leaving you with nothing else to do but acknowledging that your drawers and closets are empty and all your clothes are in the laundry pile. Meanwhile the house hasn't really been thoroughly cleaned in three weeks, and the dog is blowing his coat so it seems like for every hair you sweep up three more fall in it's place. And you have two doctor's appointments this week, plus a weekend getaway for your husband's work, so there is packing to be done and all of last week's shopping and bills to catch up on, and not much time at all to do it. So the pressure is high and you feel like you're going to scream if you can't get a decent amount of things knocked off the to do list.

Meanwhile you're REALLY feeling pregnant lately and not sleeping too well at night so you're irritable and exhausted before you even start. And your baby has chicken pox, so she is grumpy and clingy and demands to be fed on an hourly basis.

What? You've never had this day? I thought I was speaking in totally generic realities.

But you know what I mean! Sometimes it seems that everything is colliding all at once, and it's like there's this giant swirling force field encompassing the survival of all humanity pointed right at you, and if you can't absorb it all in your person everyone will DIE. I'm being dramatic- but it almost feels this way sometimes.

It is in these times when I start to panic about the big picture. Thoughts like these start to swim through my head:

• "If this is how bad it is with ONE baby, how am I going to manage two... or more??"
• "Being a mother really is the most demeaning, unfufilling job in the world! What have I gotten myself into?"
• "I'm never going to have time to write again."
• "I'm becoming a cranky witch. See, I smell like bleach and can't even muster up a smile for my husband."
• "None of this even MEANS anything. Life is empty and forlorn."
• "I'm such a bad mom- my heart sinks when I hear my baby waking up from a nap! I used to love getting her up."

And on it goes.
This made me think of the Proverbs 31 woman. She always seems like such an inspiring character- so noble and productive and cheerful at all times. It's hard to imagine her having a day like this or loosing sight of the larger vision of her calling. In fact I find myself believing that if she ever made a to-do list, she would get it done no matter how many of her kids had the chicken pox. She would make a game out of it and nurse them all back to health with perfect loving-kindness and spin around the house cleaning with a song on her lips.
Then I realized I was thinking of Marry Poppins, not anyone in the Bible. I decided to read the passage and noticed something rather comforting: very little is said about what the Proverbs 31 woman actually accomplishes. The emphasis is far more on the WAY in which she works. The text says she...

• does her husband good and not evil
• works with eager hands
• gets up while it is still night
• sets about her work vigorously
• is clothed with strength and dignity
• speaks with wisdom
• does not eat the bread of idleness

Much of this has to do with the concept of diligence, but the reality of motherhood is that diligence and productivity do not always go hand in hand. Sometimes we may toil from dawn until dusk and all we will have to show for it is a messy house and unbathed children. But God will know that we spent our hours productively, in the care and nurturing of eternal souls- and I'm sure He doesn't judge us based on our to-do lists. What a wonderful encouragement this is!
So I hope that in future days I will do a better job remembering to ask myself what God would have me to be doing at each moment. Sometimes it is SO frustrating not being able to get things done, and perhaps this in and of it's self is a way that God stretches and grows us. Learning to trust Him with the use of my time is something that will not come easily, but I know it has rich rewards. Why? See the ending of Proverbs 31:

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

And though I thought all those silly, fatalistic things earlier in the day, look where I am now- sitting in a tranquil, (mostly) clean house while the sun is setting and Katara is finally sleeping peacefully. And I know tomorrow I will be happy to get her up again, and feel a huge sense of relief knowing that I made it through the worst part of the week- even if I didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I just wish I could have realized this at the beginning and cut myself more slack. Today was doomed to be difficult for so many reasons. We all have our Jonah days. We can't always be saving cities, sometimes we have to sit in the belly of the whale. If that's where God wants me to be, it is best that I learn to spend the hours praying, and His lessons for me will eventually become clear.