Excuses and Fighting Back

Lately, I have been thinking about excuses. Excuses don't usually come at face value, they usually disguise themselves as reasons that seem perfectly legitimate until we break them down. My big excuse for all my shortcomings for a while now has been the ages of my children, and specifically the small age gaps between them. This has been my resounding theme pretty much ever since I got pregnant with my second child when my first was just three months old. No one understands. No one has been through what I'm going through. If you were me, you wouldn't have a clean bathroom either.  Or a healthy diet. Or a healthy walk with the Lord.

Things have gotten a bit out of control while I've been hiding under this excuse. I have put up with so much from myself because "I'm in a unique stage, and it won't always be like this." And there may be a lot of truth to that, which I don't at all mean to discount or dismiss. But at the same time, I'm remembering what my husband told me about Victor Frankl, a man who endured indescribable hardship in the Holocaust and believed that it is not our circumstances but our response to our circumstances that determines who we are.

So maybe you are dealing with a uniquely difficult set of circumstances right now. Maybe even impossible from a human perspective. But there is no set of circumstances that frees us from the Christian responsibility of maintaining a clear conscience in the midst of the hardest life circumstances.

We must be praying, without ceasing!
We must be reading the word of God.
We must be dwelling at peace with all men, even (especially) those closest to us who hurt us the most- including our children.
We must be doing housework in our own hearts, sweeping out the dark corners and clearing out the sinful inhibitions.
We must be seeking ways to be useful and to serve even out of the midst of our difficult seasons.

I especially have been thinking about how I keep telling myself I won't still be living this way in a few years. Someday, out there in the future, I certainly won't still be stress eating and making excuses over my devotions and losing my temper with the child who spills her milk for the fifteenth time and collapsing in bed to watch Netflix the minute I have a spare moment in the evening. For now, this is the most I can muster. Then, on Never-tember 32nd, it will all be different.

But the reality is, if I want this stressful and difficult time to do it's good and perfect work in me- the work God intended for it to do- I need to be rising to the occasion and conquering myself in the midst of it, or else I have learned and gained nothing. The only thing I can think of worse than not getting through these crazy years is getting through them and looking back to find that I have wasted the entire time.

So here's to rising to the occasion, one impossible moment at a time. Here's to squeezing in the important things and squeezing out the unimportant. Here's to saying "I will," instead of "I can't." Here's to pleading with God for ability and even joy in the midst of what may feel like an insurmountable burden of difficulty. Here's to choosing positive actions when negative ones are hardwired into us. Here's to letting go of excuses and seeing what good God can do in our lives.

At the same time, as I strive for this goal, I pray that God would help me to remember that I are going to fail, time and time again, to obtain to this goal. And despite that, His grace and forgiveness and love will still cover me (and you) unfalteringly as long as my hope remains in Him. It is only in this context that we have any hope of success at all.